Let Bygones Be Bygones
by Dawnstorm101
Summary: "Most don't resort to murder, either," Loki pointed out, tugging his hand free of Heimdall's. "They don't encase one of their family in ice." "I'm glad you did that, Loki," Heimdall said quietly. (Rated T for safety, I could probably skate by on K )


A/N: Just a little thing I wrote because I rewatched Thor 1 yesterday for my IW rewatch and I have emotions regarding Loki and Heimdall (and Asgardians in general because if you think about it, nearly everyone that showed up in Thor 1 is dead now. Even the dang hammer is dead and now I wanna cry).

(Speaking of crying, MIDNIGHT HOW DARE YOU REPAY MY ANGST WITH MORE ANGST)

 **Background:** This takes place after chapter 5 of New Beginnings, wherein someone tried to assassinate Loki by slicing his neck open. (I've been meaning to write a blurb in those missing few days before chapter 6 for ages now, but it's just now that I came up with more than a vague idea.)

* * *

Loki woke with a moan, instantly regretting the noise as pain scraped his throat. He lifted a heavy hand to hold his neck, but someone else batted it away. They tucked it back beneath the blanket it had apparently been under. "Hush, my boy."

His eyes flickered open, recognizing his quarters around him, but it wasn't Thor at his bedside. "Heimdall?" he whispered hoarsely.

"Your brother needed to rest," the watcher explained, leaning forward to check the bandages over the stab wound. Loki didn't quite suppress the urge to squirm away like a small child, and Heimdall stilled his head with a gentle touch.

"This would end faster if you stopped squirming," Heimdall rebuked.

"Sorry," Loki mumbled, shifting his tension to clutching a fistful of sheet. "Old habits."

Heimdall chuckled, his golden gaze soft with nostalgia. "Little Loki, always running to Uncle Heimdall when he got a little scraped up in a prank gone wrong."

Loki smiled, almost forgetting the pain for a moment. "Like when Volstagg tried to crush me for turning his boar into a salad."

Heimdall sat back, his mouth twisting into a wry grin. "If I didn't know her better, I'd wonder how your mother managed to get you into adulthood."

"She was-" Loki broke off to cough, wincing at the pain. Heimdall quickly fetched a glass of water, handing it to him after helping him sit up. Loki flashed him a grateful glance, carefully swallowing a few mouthfuls before he could talk again. "She was the best mother."

"You're not wrong there," Heimdall agreed.

Loki looked away, hiding his slipping smile from the guardian. _Then am I not your mother?_

 _You're not._

It was an old pain now, familiar and frequent. Thor had told him repeatedly her death wasn't his fault and that he was loved, but the guilt was always there, always lurking. Ready to strike at a moment's notice. Ready to ruin a moment of happiness.

"Hey," Heimdall said, resting a hand on his shoulder. "What's going through that head of yours?"

Loki bit his lip, shook his head. "Just tired."

"I did not spend over a thousand years being a better father to you than Odin ever was just for you to start lying to me now," Heimdall retorted.

"You're admitting that?" Loki exclaimed. "I mean, I've thought it, but…"

Heimdall shrugged. "Odin admitted it, too, in those years he was on Midgard. I don't consider it dishonoring my deceased king if he knew it was a flaw of his."

Loki dropped his gaze again. "I shouldn't have-" Well, _that_ list was too long for his abused throat to detail, so he settled with, "I messed up."

"You did," Heimdall agreed readily. "Repeatedly. Majorly. For several years. _But,_ you also saved all our lives, our civilization, and returned to the sides of those who love you. I'd say that's a major step forward in reconciling what you've done."

"Still…" He glanced up at Heimdall, remembering encasing him in ice without a second thought. "I…"

"We all have actions we regret in regards to those years," Heimdall murmured. "Thor came to the Bifrost repeatedly, wondering if he could've done something differently in that first fight, something to convince you that he loved you."

"I would've been too stupid to listen," Loki muttered, clenching one hand into a fist.

Heimdall slid his hand from Loki's shoulder, prying his fist apart. "Not stupid, Loki – distraught. Not many people listen terribly well when they learn the beliefs they've built centuries of life upon are a lie."

"Most don't resort to murder, either," Loki pointed out, tugging his hand free of Heimdall's. "They don't encase one of their family in ice."

"I'm glad you did that, Loki," Heimdall said quietly.

Loki jerked his gaze up. "What?"

Now Heimdall's gaze dropped, his fingers rising to brush over Loki's bandages. "I would've killed you. Sliced your throat open without hesitation, the boy I'd looked after for all those centuries. I have looked back on that moment with shame ever since."

"You were doing your duty."

"There were non-lethal ways to render you helpless," Heimdall snapped. He took a breath, collecting himself. "I could have knocked you out. Instead, I went immediately for the killing blow."

"So did I."

Heimdall shook his head. "You knew that ice would not kill me, Loki. If you had wanted me dead, you would have stabbed me, or blasted me with the staff. For all your failures, you never could bring yourself to kill me or Thor or Odin. You were willing to wound and incapacitate us, yes, but never murder. You even killed Laufey before he could murder Odin, and later placed him where he would be cared for with no grief over his wife, despite Odin's life being an obstacle between you and the throne, and his lies a major cause of your own agony."

Heimdall settled a hand in Loki's hair, his smile bittersweet. "You never completely turned, Loki. Not against us. And if I had had my way… I wouldn't have given you the chance to prove to yourself where your heart truly lies."

Even if Loki could have thought up words to convince Heimdall that he was forgiven, his throat was killing him. So he just leaned forward and wrapped the older man in a hug. When Heimdall hugged back, he breathed a sigh of relief and nestled into his comforting grip, like he had so often as a boy. "I love you too, my boy," Heimdall eventually murmured.

Loki ruined the moment with a gaping yawn that turned into a coughing fit.

"All right, time to go back to sleep," Heimdall announced once he could breathe again. Loki didn't fight as Heimdall laid him back down, groaning in relief when the pillow took his head's weight off his neck. Then Heimdall started to move away.

"Don't go," Loki blurted before he could think better of it.

"Loki, I promise I'll be around to watch over you and your brother for a couple thousand years yet. But right now, I have to use the restroom."

"…Oh. You do that."

Heimdall walked away laughing. Loki wriggled a bit to perfect his position, then drifted off to sleep.

And if he was still awake when Heimdall came back, pulled the blanket over him, and lightly kissed his forehead before saying goodnight, well, he wouldn't mention that.

* * *

A/N: Random, this was almost exactly 1k words and that made me weirdly happy, but then I edited and the count changed dang it


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